D For Dumb: The Power of Good D

There was a topic on Twitter the other day that had me crying real life tears because I was laughing so damn hard; on my timeline they were discussing the power of laying some top flight pipe and all of the perks that a man can attain with it. Obviously there were some outlandish statements thrown in there for banter purposes, but all in all, what they were saying was the truth!

D*ck makes b*tches dumb! If you know how to slam dunk the funk, you have the power to turn even the Beyonce's of society into a Michelle Williams with just one powerful HD vaginal contraction.

Now obviously, it was the men who had more to say on this topic than anyone else, as some of the women are trying to force class because we realise that we're getting old and it doesn't really look good. F*ck a pretence! You better believe I had a whole heap of sh*t to say, but for business purposes that day I thought 'Let me hold my mouth now...I'mma blog about this sh*t later tho!'

By now you lot know that I keep it funky fresh; aint nobody got time to be pretending to be one of these uppity b*tches, so I'mma say what I'mma say and you will either agree out loud (or internally because you don't want others to know that you can relate to my candidness) or some of you may disagree, in which case, feel free to voice your opinion in the comment section below.

In this day and age, women are more sexually liberal than ever before; they are making it no secret as to how much they like to be pleased or how often...though I do wish that they would stop broadcasting it over Twitter as if the tl is the vagina monologues -_- (this includes you 'I need a cuddle' b*tches. We know cuddle is false lady code for d*ck; ya'll aint foolin nobody!). With this open attitude towards sex, the casual sex lifestyle is thriving; b*tches be hollerin 'Single and ready to mingle' like it's a mantra.

The life of a single woman isn't that complex if you're one of those female who isn't looking for an emotional connection (which, let's be honest, is NONE of you, no matter how much you try to force it, adoncare!), and d*ck isn't hard to find (so long as that's all you want); HOOOOOOWEVER, good d*ck is.

No matter how much some of you try to deny it, it is common knowledge that women generally have a higher sex drive than men, hence the need for inventions like the Rampant Rabbit -these sex toy companies know that womb pressure is real!

When entertaining a new sexual partner for the first time, all a b*tch can do is hope for the best, but when they actually receive the best, it can throw them off and that is where trouble can begin.

Every now and then a man will come along that is so good in bed that he can discombobulate the equilibrium of your fantalooga, causing a chemical imbalance in the brain called simple b*tchery! 

Simple b*tchery: verb (definition) - a lowered state of mind that will have you carrying out action of one of those substandard/common heffas.

Simple b*tchery can affect any woman in the occurrence of love/infatuation, good d*ck or some bomb ass head (press 7 for fellatio!). This is the part of the blog where those of us that like to sell ourselves delusions of grandeur because we think we're too prestige, try to pretend that we have never had a simple b*tch moment over a man. I can guarantee that those closest to you, your social networking statuses, your private messages, call history and that aint sh*t dude you left behind once you came to your senses, may beg to differ!

Attack of the 5 star penis will have you believing that this dude is the one for you! He has no job or prospects for the foreseeable future, but my gosh can he put it down! You're there skipping to work the next day singing songs of contentment and wonderment with the birds like your name is Snow White, being super nice to everyone, all because this dude gave you a penetrative orgasm! Studies show that a staggering 80% of women cannot climax from penetrative sex, so when this Willy Wonka dude gives you the chocolate bar and you discover that your 80% ass has just received the Golden Ticket to the 20% bracket, you don't ever want to leave the chocolate factory, ya dig! B*tches be addickted and will start letting this guy get away with some unorthodox sh*t, to secure the penis.

From what started out as a link, you are now trying to force the sh*t to evolve like a Pokemon! It's penis, not Pikachu b*tch! This is not the relationship you are looking for!

Why are you cooking for him, cleaning his house, lending him money, letting him drive your car and you know he aint got no licence? Dude be slowly tryna move in to your house 'cause he prefers the freedom over living at his mum's place more than actually chilling with you, but because he's bringing d*ck along, your ass don't care! Buying him gifts, letting him ring you up at 4am to come over and your ass answers the phone all peppy like you was awake this whole time, doing his laundry, pretending that you don't know you aint his only one, brushing off the countless times he's stood you up, listening to this dude LIE to you over and over because you've convinced yourself what he's chatting sh*t about is not a big deal because your M.O is to spoon at night.

The day you decided to get fed up and realise that maybe, just maybe you need to get yo life and leave the bastard, is the day he decides to initiate p*ssy whisperer level 10, and you're ass is right back there, shivering and shaking in the the bed. A minute ago you were Miss High and Mighty all gassed up on the Beyonce you listened to on the way over (*sings* You must not know 'bout me, you must not know bout meeee), but the simple b*tchery kicked in and now he's all cocky (in more ways than one) 'cause he knows he's got you. Dude be asking you 'Do you like it?' the most hated question known to man, and your ass actually answers! Aint that a simple b*tch!

I have seen women turn into real life psychopaths to secure the D. They be puttin holes in condoms, 'forgetting' to take the pill, turning into Sherlock Holmes so they know every who, what, when, where, and why of this dudes life, 'coincidentally' turning up at places that he's at -"Oh Duane, funny bumping into you here!" -_- no b*tch, what's funny is your LIES! -hitting him up on every possible avenue of communication just to say 'I miss you' like that sh*t aint scary.

One of the best tweets I saw on this topic was the one that spoke about these dudes that come from overseas and d*ck down a b*tch so well that she marries him, then dude gets his passport and ghosts. Whenever this happens I can conjure no sympathy for these women; you've been seeing Winston for 6 months and coz he gave you the Passa Passa penis you decide that it's legit to say yes to his marriage proposal and pretend you didn't know what was gonna happen? Get the f*ck out of here, this world has no room for your tears!

As amusing as this was to write about, on a real, no d*ck is worth your dignity. Find someone who actually wants to be with you and won't take for granted all things that you have to offer; don't be a simple b*tch.

One question I saw on the tl did intrigue me though, and I genuinely wanna hear your opinions on it; which is stronger, the power of the D or the power of the P?

On a final note, make sure you guys check out episode 3 of The www Show -the ONLY show about web series, hosted by Mango & Lashes. This week's episode features Awkward Black Girl, Dear Jesus, Brett in the City, Almost Home, an exclusive interview with Black & Sexy TV Founders, Numa Perrier and Dennis Dortch, info for the auditions of Venus Vs Mars season 2, plus a glimpse of the official trailer for FASTLiFE: http://t.co/8QFftwpcug

Follow me on Twitter: @ScottyUnfamous

Till next time

Sx

Learn To Love YOU

 

Hey dudes,
I hope you're all cool, and Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there ^_^.

This post was inspired by last night's events....

After the Unfamous shoot last night (@ Cafe Mode -shout out to @DearRobTV for letting us use the beautiful venue) we all went out to a house party in Hackney. Myself and the Unfamous director, @SelinaOsei, got into an interesting conversation with one of the female guests (it was 5am and we were starting to sober up lol). We started talking about weight loss...as you do at a house party.
The girl, who had a totally friggin bodacious figure by the way, was saying she wanted to lose more weight and so she joined the gym and was eating less. She then went on to say how even though she had lost weight, that she was losing it in places she didn't want to (which I can empathise with as since I've been on my new get fit regime -62 days in...yes I count the days -there is now space in my bra *cries*), i.e. her ass and hips.

So I'm looking at this girl, and as a big b*tch, I'm now experiencing skinny b*tch confusion, 'cause I'm thinking 'The f*ck is she complaining about? She looks sexy blud!' In less flamboyant terms I told her that she looked good, but she was adamant that it wasn't good enough and said something along the lines of 'In clothes it's fine, but when you're naked it's a different story.' So I study her figure again and at this point I'm like, 'B*tch, from where I'm sitting, you look as if you'll be fine naked too'.

I ended up telling the girl the same thing I'm about to tell you lot; no matter how much you lose, even if you hit your target or you go beyond it, unless you love yourself it won't matter because you will always find something else wrong that will make you unhappy about your appearance.

Ladies, I cannot stress how important I think self love is. I meet a lot of females of all shapes and sizes who I think are stunning, but due to lack of self love they have a ton of insecurities. Ya'll need to learn to let that shit GO! It is one of those things that are easier said than done, but the fact of the matter is, it can be done. 

The first step is acceptance; stop being so hard on yourself for the way you look. It's your body and unless you are rich enough to purchase a new one, you will be stuck with it until the day you die, so there's no point in spending the rest of your life resenting it; that's not cool. This is you, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

If you are unhappy with the way you look, do something about it, but accept that some things that you deem as physical flaws are out of your control and work on what you can. Focus on what you do like about yourself, as opposed to what you don't. There's nothing wrong with achieving the figure you desire, but don't get bogged down with the way you look just because you aren't there yet; if you're determined,you'll get there. 

As of late, the body trends seem to be bigger asses, tiny waists, perkier tits, thigh gaps, collar and hip bones that poke out. This is what the media is celebrating, so it what males are lusting after, which means a lot of you lot want it. The reality of it is, everyone has different body types. It may not be in your DNA to have those things, but so what? There are many different types of beauty and what you all need to do is find your type and own it *snaps fingers like a sassy gay man* GURRRRRL, YOU BETTER WERK!

People want to look and feel beautiful, so that they can feel wanted, but if you don't even want yourself, why would anyone else?

You may hear this saying and think it's cliché  but it holds a lot of truth in it; there is nothing sexier than confidence. When you learn to love yourself, your confidence will start to shine naturally. When you feel confident it radiates through your aura and others can sense it. Confidence instantly makes you more attractive because it is a positive emotion. For instance, have you ever found yourself attracted to someone who is not your usual cup of tea, and your friends are chatting sh*t like 'Why do you like him?' (like you asked for their opinion. -_- B*tch, I'm glad you don't like him, that means I don't have to watch you!). You can't really explain it properly, but you smile, shrug and say 'I dunno. There's just something about him.' #MOIST!
Sometimes you will see couples where one is hot and the other...meh, not so much, and you wonder how they even got together; the less tasty one probably had a sh*tload of confidence!

A good way to kick start self love is to adorn yourself the way you would if you looked the way you wanted to. Treat yourself as if you are already your idea of 'beautiful' -within reason though. Keep it tasteful ;). Go shopping and get an outfit that you know you'll look sick in, learn how to do make-up (YouTube has tutorial coming out the wazoo), get a mani/pedi, get yo hurr did....just pamper yourself ladies; your psyche will respond to it. I promise you it will make a world of difference. Treat yourself like you love yourself and don't be ashamed of it. It is your right to feel good about who and what you are, no matter what other may think about you.

Girls worry about their appearance so much because they want to be desirable to men. Unlike men, we don't typically have the luxury of being desirable for being rich and powerful (as men are 'supposed' to be the breadwinners), hence we work on our physical appearance more. We strive to look like Beyonce/Rihanna/Kim K -because these are women that  men often say they find attractive -forgetting that we aren't celebrities and may never achieve that polished Hollywood look. Men understand this too. No matter what they may say out of masculine bravado for banter on social networks or when amongst their peers, if you actually sit and talk with a man on a level, you generally find that they don't expect perfection because they understand that this is real life!

Stop comparing yourself to others. Just be happy being all that you are.

I have a @SwearDownTV vid that elaborates on this topic called 'Fatty Boom Boom 101' -it's aimed at fat b*tches but the general idea is self love. Give it a watch if you like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfcmUSlZ_6o

Follow me on Twitter @ScottyUnfamous

Until next time
Sx

P.S. Check out the latest behind the scene pics from @The_Unfamous series at http://weareunfamous.tumblr.com/

Would You Let Your Partner Go To Napa?

Whaddup yo! How are you guys? Good? Me too! There's the occasional bout of rage in the chest, but it's nothing Mary Jane and some music can't fix ;) -can I just say that James Blake -Retrograde has been giving me multiple eargasms, plus aftershock all day. Such a tune!).

I'd just like to take this time to boast that I've been doing my diet for 55 days now (You go Scotty Coco!). Now everyday I wake up feeling like Beyonce...and looking like Jennifer Hudson (pre-weight loss) :)

So I had meant to write this blog last month, but I chose to do my Baby Mama Drama one instead (YES the Baby Father one will still be posted once I select some appropriately inappropriate jokes to chuck in there that you can't get mad at because they're just that funny, and you all love me so much :D ).

This blog post relates to a debate that was going on, on my Twitter tl (follow me @ScottyUnfamous) last month; they were discussing if they would allow their partners to go on a clubbin holiday like Napa/Malia/Ibizia etc. The majority voted :

The reasons given were generally because holidays like Napa are notorious for men and women alike turning on their 'fuck it' switches, morphing into their YOLO alter-egos (often seen on social networks), and free falling into WHOREDOM!

Most carry the gassed mentality that 'What happens in Napa, stays in Napa'. They actually believe that their partners back home won't find out, as they're cheating in a whole other country...

I have been to Napa and if you truly believe that you can go over there and carry on all willy nilly like you will never see these people again, you my friend, are sadly mistaken! Napa is London in the sun...with a few Northerners dashed in for good measure. I went there and saw people from my old college, my ex, my friends ex, friends from uni, mutual friends of other friends and all sorts. Napa aint some safe haven for you to be moving raggo! You will see everyone you know, and get familiar with some that you don't.

Napa is a very closed environment; aint sh*t to do during the day but hang out by a hotel pool (I said A as you will get bored of your own hotel's pool and probably pop next door to someone else's), go to NISSI BEACH (EVERYONE goes to Nissi Beach), go shopping (which is dead cause there aint really sh*t to buy but wotless tourist trinkets), or just drive around with your quad bike/doom-buggy like you're special, even though every other mofo with a provisional licence is doing the same thing -people go to Napa and stunt like they are living the life. Try pick a b*tch up on a quad bike in London and see how far that gets you -_-.

Night falls and EVERYONE goes to the strip. All of the clubs and bars are located in one area, so now there is literally no way for you not to meet people as you will probably see them every night until they leave! As you walk down the strip you get to where it splits into 2 different roads; one is where the white people go, the other is where the black/urban inclined people go. You go down the black road (obviously, after all you're not reading my blog cause you're some posho) and you criss cross between Bazaar and Napa Dreams until the night clubs open.

That is Napa, EVERY DAY, in a nutshell! I recommend staying for no more than a week. I stayed for 2 weeks and now I hate raving.

When you meet people, most of them will be from London, so please explain to me how some of you will go there and beat someone from the same town as you, then come leave all carefree like 'Hey, it was nice knowing you! Adios amigo!' then a month later you f*ck around and go to a rave and SURPRISE, there they are!

Now I'm not saying you can't get away with cheating on your partner in Napa (this is not encouragement by the way, simple b*tch), you probably can, but I'm just letting you know that it isn't some magic Narnia land where you can move all haukuna matata-ish, especially with they way some of you are all over Twitter/Tumblr/Instagram/Facebook etc. N*ggas walking around all arrogant and sh*t with their Twitter @ printed on their t-shirt and expect to move anonymous, these times we all know your girlfriend is that bait Instagram fiend with the 'rebellious' name like @iFxckBadBxtches (that's an @ I made up just in case some of you are stupid enough to actually look for it...don't give me that look, you know b*tches be simple in 2013!)

Now, while the people with trust issues were all prattling on about how their partner couldn't go to Napa because they might cheat, myself and the rest of the people with common sense pointed out that if their partner wanted to cheat on them so much, they wouldn't have to buy a plane ticket to do so.

I said I would let my partner go to Napa -yes I know, everyone thinks I'm naive, but this is the way I see it; there's no point in being in a relationship with someone you don't trust; period. If you can't trust your partner enough to let them go on holiday for a few days without you and NOT cheat on you, well, you need to reconsider your relationship mate.

I noticed that it was more the males that didn't want their partners to go to places like Napa, to which they used excuses such as 'Girls move like man dem these days' and 'People only go to Napa for one reason', and it made me think; maybe the problem is not your partner, maybe the problem is you! Maybe the reason your partner going on a clubbing holiday is a problem for you because you know that if the shoe was on the other foot, cheating is something you'd be likely to do.

Some of you are projecting your own faults onto your partner, assuming that given the opportunity, they would behave like you in that situation. Other reasons for this mentality could be that you are basing your fears off of past experiences, or things you have seen the people close to you go through -think about it. In your opinion, you may believe that I'm chatting sh*t, but its my blog so:

I would totally let my partner go away, for 2 reasons:
1. If I'm with them I must trust them to some extent so I don't expect them to cheat on me. If they do and I find out, well...-_-

2. If I want to go away, he aint telling me I can't. Is my name Matilda? You know when I'd have to draw for that common 'strong, independent, black woman' response:

Treat people the way you want to be treated. I extend the same courtesies I expect my partner to extend to me. I'm not your mother, I'm not here to be policing where you can and cannot go...within reason.

I feel like after all of those ignorant captioned pictures that I should wrap this up by saying something that makes me sound wise...

People need to understand that relationships are not about controlling each other, they are about accepting both similarities and differences, honesty, loyalty, respect and compromise.

Did that suffice? No? Oh it's too cliché, you say? 

Anyway, I wanna know what you lot would do if your partner wanted to go on a clubbing holiday, would you let them or not, and why? Get at me in the comment section or via Twitter (@ScottyUnfamous).

Till next time,

 Sx

Baby Mama Drama

Hey, hi, hello.

I was writing about something else originally, but recent events have ticked me off so now I’mma switch it up and have a lil rant. Today I’m gonna talk about the dynamics between young parents. 

First of all let me state that I have no children, so I can only speak on this subject to an extent. I understand that some of you may hold different opinions to me (feel free to leave comments on this post or via twitter or whatever), but this is how I feel about the sh*t.

Let me begin by saying that becoming a parent is a huge responsibility and will alter your life drastically, and with the alteration come a whole new breed of intergalactic stress *Buzz Lightyear voice* "To infinity and beyond!" I was raised to believe that by making  the conscious decision to have a child, you are accepting that your life is no longer about you, it is about doing the best for your child that you can and allowing them not to be deprived of things that you are able to provide. Having a child means you must let go of some of your selfishness….some people aren’t able to grasp this concept -_-.

I’ve always said that when I have a child it will be with a man I can see myself being with for near enough the rest of my life, and that I’ll be in a stable position so my child can have the kind of upbringing I had, or better. This is something that I believe everyone wants, but unfortunately sometimes it doesn’t work out this way. Now understand this, even if you don’t get your white picket fence Disney dream of family life, those values shouldn’t go out of the window just because the situation doesn’t fit your vision, remember, it’s not about YOU any more.

Once you have a child with someone, you are connected to that person FOR LIFE (*sings* I’m loooocked up, they won’t let me out!’) because you now share offspring. It is both of your duties to work as a unit to make sure that child knows it’s loved.  Now when it comes to young parents, it is common that the relationship will break down because they are still kids themselves, and more time (we all know this urban tale) the father will claim he wants nothing to do with the child because he didn’t want them in the first place.

For the men, excuse me, BOYS, that do this, you should be ashamed of yourself! That child didn’t create themselves, so why would you be so cruel as to be absent from their lives because you don’t want to be with the mother? It’s you that sexed her you know! She didn’t withdraw the sperm from your testicles while you were asleep and inject her ovaries, Mr Long Distance Stulla! More time, those boys that are sh*t absent fathers were neglected by their dad’s, so they know how it feels to feel unwanted, which is why I don’t understand why you would inflict that on another individual; on your own child!

Now don’t get me wrong, I know how some of these girls are –Trapping is REAL –but as a man, do what you can to face up to your responsibilities.

While we’re on the subject of trapping; b*tches, is you dumb? Why do some of you sell yourself these epic delusions of grandeur in which you think that by having a man’s child, it will make him stay with you? -_- I really don’t understand? Before you went and got breed up, how many simple bitches did you see that basic bitch move NOT work for? Did you think you would be the exception to the rule orrrr? I mean for f*cks sake, look at how many single parent families there are; do you need a slap?

Now if it’s a thing where you tried that chupidness (had to dash a bit of West Indian hostility in there) and it didn’t work out how you wanted, b*tch deal with it accordingly, because your ass knew better! Some of you want to use the excuse that you’re young so you didn’t really know any better -‘I was naïve’ –b*tch sit the f*ck down! You wasn’t no kinda naïve when you were spreading your legs and doing pornstar tricks askin’ my man how ‘tun up’ he thinks your Dvanjango is, were you? Nah! When all that was going down you was bussin them Huggies Pull Ups lyrics *sings* “I’m a big kid now! :D” The cheek!

In these sort of situations, you will be LUCKY to trap a man that is still willing to care of his yout’, and even then some of you lot wanna stay moving psychotic, using your child as a weapon. Why do you think your baby is an M16 pliss? 

Do you know how many women have had a child with someone and had them bounce on them,that are now struggling to get by, that would be so grateful for their child’s father to care enough to give them money and look after them? A LOT, SIMPLE B*TCH! Some of you are lucky enough to have a half decent person willing to take care of their baby, and you do some stupid ass basic b*tch sh*t just because he don’t want YOU. That is selfish.

With some baby mothers,  every time you don’t  do what they want, they have that baby loaded and ready to shoot at you because  they know that, that child is their only means of power when it comes to their baby father, and they have allowed themselves to get bitter (and we all know how misery loves company), so if they aint happy, n*gga you aint allowed to be happy either. That scornful woman will drag you down to hell with her. Let her see you so much as crack a smile, “Oh no you don’t mutha f*cka! YOU AINT SEEIN’ YO BABY NO MORE! SMILE NOW, B*TCH!”

To all the baby mothers out there that are mature and selfless enough to accept that even though they and their partner didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that the family unit can’t compromise and find a way to work, I applaud you. Although I am not a mother, I understand how much it can hurt to be around someone that has hurt you, or that you feel uncomfortable around, so the fact that you are putting those feelings aside for the sake of your child makes you even more amazing than you are already! YOU GO GLEN COCO!

There are certain situations, for example, if the father is a danger to you or your child, that makes it completely understandable to cut all ties because that is the responsible thing to do. If you are not in one of those situations and you’re denying the father access because he doesn’t want you, you need to fall back with that unorthodox woman rage, and try for your child to make things work. Trying to make someone else miserable won’t make you happy.

The cheek of some of you is, you will have a guy willing to step up and be a father, but your crazy bitch anger is denying him access, and then in that same breath you are ready to sit down and gun him off for not being around when it’s your fault he aint there in the first place, making up dumb reasons to put the blame on him ‘If he really wanted to be here he would find a way!’ These times, every time he tries you wanna start World War III and you give him bullshit ultimatums “Give me a million pounds and leave your girlfriend then you can see your child for half an hour in a contact centre while I supervise. It’s my way or the high way!” Grow the fuck up you spiteful ass b*tch.

Some of you are so wicked to each other, it’s unreal. Regardless of the situation, it’s as if you no longer look at the other person as a person, you just think that because you are in this predicament that they should just deal with whatever you throw at them and like it. WRONG! With some of you, I am not even surprised that your baby father gave up on you. You’re so focused on making each other miserable that you have lost sight of what is important; your child.

For you fathers that aren’t even making the effort to look after your own child; you don’t even deserve to be a part of their lives. When they get older and the tables turn where you finally wanna step up and be a man and it’s your child that doesn’t want anything to do with you, you will only have yourself to blame.

It is not an easy job to be a parent, and it’s even harder to be a single parent because you now have to fulfil two roles instead of one. It’s not enough to stay absent because you told her not to have the baby because you weren’t ready, the child is here now, you need to move past that childish mindset. Do the right thing; it’ll serve you better in the long run. If you are one of those people who were neglected by your father, can you imagine how awful it would feel to find out that your baby feels about you, the way you feel about him? I don’t imagine any of you want that, so make the effort.

I TACKLE A SIMILAR ISSUE IN MY BOOK 'THE UNFAMOUS' IN WHICH A GEORGIA

Georgia Daniels played by Emma Malyszczuk

TRIES TO TRAP NATHANIEL WITH CARTER'S CHILD (SOUNDS JUICY RIGHT?).

Carter Johnson played by Robert Griffiths and Nathanial Gibson played by Marcus Campbell

 YOU CAN CHECK IT OUT >> HERE << (Pssst; the Unfamous web series, coming soon)

Here's a @SwearDownTV video I did called 'The Parent Trap' in which myself and Dee Poetry Jay discuss young parents: http://youtu.be/YMNBI9atCmM

As I said at the start of the post, feel free to leave comments (make sure you share this too).

Follow me @ScottyUnfamous

Till next time

Sx

There Are No Good Men/Women Left!

Hey, hello, hi, :) It's Scotty; Unfamous if ya nastaaaayyyy!

Sorry about that moment of wild neekiness, I've just really wanted to say that to someone :( so I decided to do the smart thing and say it on a public domain for all to see :/

AAAANNNNYYYYWHOOZLES; LET'S GET DOWN TO THAT GET DOWN! Today's topic...is in the title (I feel like being an ass today, sue me). I'm gonna look at it from both angles at one time, 'cause I'm a woman and women are fantastical multitaskers!

Every now and then you hear some angry lost soul make the wild statement that there are no good (insert relevant gender here) left, simply because they have either been single for so long that their itty bitty heart has blackened with bitterness and sexual frustration resulting in them giving up hope, or they consistantly find themselves f*ckin' with 'aint shit' people...*Katt Williams voice* "Wit' cho aint sh*t p*ssy!" Once they have made this biased statement, it is common for the male of the species to claim that he is on this 'money over b*tches' flex -and 7.002 times out of 10 (real life accurate facts from the Scottypedia) he ends up with neither -whereas the female of the species can be found reading Mills and Boons novels with her cat(s) every Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday at 6pm ^_^.

This statement holds a high percentage of concentrated nonsense. It's as dumb as saying 'all men/women are the same' -_- are YOU the same as every other (insert relevant gender here again)? No? Oh, so you're the exception to the rule yeah? Okay, cool.

You attract what you project b*tch, and people can only treat you the way you allow them to.

Now let me break this down so it can forever be broke (like yo last aint sh*t man); THERE ARE PLENTY OF GOOD MEN/WOMEN LEFT, BUT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, THEY DIDN'T THINK THAT YOU WERE WORTH BEING GOOD FOR! TADAAAAA; mystery solved, b*tch!

On the other hand, you probably have a good man/woman in your life but you're too busy running after Keisha and Tyrone so you decided to friendzone them. By the time you look up and pay them some mind, they've already moved the f*ck on. Surprise! You'll be like 'Yeah so, you cool babes?', and they smile and wave ,all chipper because of their new relationship, 'Hi there, ol' buddy ol' pal!' You reach in for a hug and you get a friendly high 5. It's a mess.

As we get older, naturally we become more aquainted with  relationship experiences (well...most of us), so by the time we hit our late teens a lot of us are scarred from past experiences and we put up the walls of Azkaban to avoid being hurt again -especially the menziz; y'all are so sensitive! B*tches get hurt all 4/5 times and then give up. Menziz; 1 STRIKE AND YOU LOT ARRRRE OUT!

The walls we build are there to protect us from who we consider to be the wrong people, whether they be wrong because we do not trust their intentions, or in the more asshole-ish type cases -we just don't like them enough to engage in anything but physical acts, or to 'boops' them (I'm showing my age with that word init lol. The term 'boops' is slang for using someone for material things).

Every man/woman has the capacity to be 'good' to someone, but some are just cautious as they don't want their efforts wasted on someone they deem underserving. These days you can't be giving any and anybody the treatment; are you mad? The way some people are so f*cked up that they will take you for a Sunday dinner left over corn on the cob, is not even funny. People generally think like this: you want the best of me? Earn it!
B*tches be swanning around NOT cooking for you. Dudes be putting padlocks on their wallets NOT taking you no place, because at the end of the day, what the f*ck have YOU done to deserve it? How do they know that YOU aint gonna take their kindness for weakness?

Once a person feels they have found the RIGHT person, they will go that extra mile for them, but with some people, if they are not sure of you, yo ass aint getting sh*t but some electric bedtime boogaloo and 'Soooo...it's kinda late. You aint got to go home but you gots ta get the hell outta here yo!"

Now with all this being said, as much as people have walls and you will have to try and earn their trust in order to get the treatment, don't let anyone take the piss out of your life like say they're Jay-Z and your name is The Dream!

"I would like to thank the swap meet for his hat."

Someone else hurting them in their past is not your fault. All you can do is make an effort, see how they react to it and take the next step from there.

Before I p*ss off to more important matters; 2 things:

1. There are only 4 more shoots until this year's hottest UK online series 'Unfamous' is complete, so if you would like to be an extra (speaking and non-speaking roles available) simply email the Unfamous casting director Delia-rene Donaldson at vexinthecityuk@gmail.com with your photo, contact details and (if you want a speaking role) your acting CV. If you are a media personality and would like to make a cameo appearance, contact the Unfamous PR, Monica Rahman, at unfamous@peppergrain.com.

 2. I'd just like to inform you guys of a new kick ass online show dropping tomorrow evening at 6pm:

Presenting the brand new show all about the latest, hottest, web series ‘The www Show’, hosted by Emma Malyszczuk and Modupe Adeyeye, better known as Mango & Lashes.

We love the independent web series movement as it has given birth to so many captivating, fresh, cutting edge shows, and we know how much you all love it too, so we felt it only right there should be a show updating you all in the latest plots, releases, and news in the world of web series.

Episode one of The www Show includes the latest from The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, Brothers With No Game, Dirty Games We Play, Lenox Avenue, and exclusive behind the scenes footage from All About The McKenzie’s season 2.

Subscribe to our youtube channel here to be the first to watch the show when it goes up on Wednesday 13th February at 6pm. Please also remember to share and comment.

If you have created, are a part of a web series, or there is one that you are a fan of, hit us up with the information at connect@peppergrain.com and have your content featured in the only show about web series ;)
 

That's it from me guyyyyys ^_^ If you liked this post make sure you share it and check out some of my other ones. If there are any topics you'd like me to rage about, just holler at me yo!

All of my links for the dope shit I do and where you can find me are in the side bar. Follow me on Twitter: @ScottyUnfamous and check out the trailer for my upcoming series 'Unfamous' (@The_Unfamous) based on my hit eBooks 'The Unfamous' (currently over 138,800 reads). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNuY2rwVhK8

Sx

10 Lies Women Tell

Whaddup yo!

Right I'm now officially 25 (whoop whoop) and to be frank it feels no bloomin different that 21, 22, 23, or 24...except I will make the wild assumption that I am less stupid and possibly a little more mature. Anyway, it means that now I can give out 25 year old advice, and rant about things in the manner of someone who has now been alive for a quarter of a century!
...God I'm old! :(

So I wanted to do this post because I felt that maybe it would be nice for the guys if I eased up on them a tad...just for today tho. I will probably insult you again in my usual whimsical fashion in my next post :D. I decided to go with something a little lighter by highlighting female dishonesty (a topic which is always as fun as it sounds). Obviously women have a lot of lies, but who has time to write the encyclopaedia of female untruths? Not me; so I picked 10 at random and here's what I came up with:

1. "I'M ON MY PERIOD."
As much as we HATE our period, it makes up for it's sh*tocity by being one of the greatest excuses on the planet for when you don't want to do sh*t, or to get away with crap. E.g. the guy you're seeing wants to meet up and you know that his mind is on troubling your playground, but for whatever reason, you're not really on it tonight but you don't want to upset him because you may feel like it at another point in time, so you whip out the period bar and ba-bam! Freedom in an instant, and nobody is offended :)

2. "I'VE GOT A MAN."
This one is a classic! A guy's moving to you, you're not interested and you're trying to tell him no in a gentle manner but for some reason, this Undateable is not taking no for an answer. Now ladies, you already know that this probably won't work because thirst is real, but you give it a shot anyway; "Sorry, I've got a boyfriend." The dude will either fall back or drop that DEAD line (you already know which line I'm talking about), "That's cool, we can be friends." 

F*ck a 'friend'! Is my name Timothy? You know damn well you aint trying to be my damn friend! I f*ck around and give you my number then you wanna try ring me and have unnecessary late night conversations and try and trick me into going on a date with you 'cause you know I didn't really have a man, in the hope that if I get to know you I will change my mind -N*gga, NO! (I don't really like using the N word, but I felt in this instance it was necessary to illustrate my point).

3. "I'M A FREAK!"

B*tches, please stop doing this unless you know you are 1000% certified in the kinky department. Some of you will run off your mouth to a man with your "I'm a lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets" bullsh*t, getting him all over-excited, making the poor defenceless creature (coochie is scientifically proven to weaken the menziz) think he struck gold, when all you're really offering is bronze at best. When he finally gets you in the bed, all you provide him with is a hot plate of disappointment with some post-buss depression on the side 'cause your so called 'freakiness' consisted of you behaving like this:

Which is worse; the man or the cow? You decide. 

4. "I DON'T USUALLY DO THIS..."

On the flipside to the previous point, some b*tches be tryna conceal their inner freak because they would like you to believe that they are good girls, but when it gets down to the get down it's a whole different story. A man will be lied to by these false uppity bitches that be trying to create this illusion to cover up their Victoria's Secret identity, yet when you get her in the bed (for example), this heffa has a masters degree in the art of sucking d*ck! She graduated top of the class! She will do it so well you want the b*tch to visit your other side chicks so she can teach them a thing or five! But remember, she doesn't usually do this :/, bitch it's kinda hard to believe you when you do it like you invented it #JustSaying. She doesn't even have the courtesy to follow through with the lie and do it badly (not that you're complaining). You just be there looking down at her, shaking you head and tutting like "You dishonest miracle worker! You're doing a damn good job, but as punishment for your lies, I'm gonna hold this nut so long that you get lock jaw!"

5. THE 'PICK 'N MIX' B*TCH

In this day and age, everyone is diluted with one race or another but some of you are so desperate to seem exotic like Rubicon mango juice that you dig DEEEEEEEP into your ancestry to claim other nationalities. All this man did is ask you what country you're from, why are you giving him a recipe for Liars Delight? "Well I'm 1/2 Nigerian, 1/4 Russian, 2/16 Native American, 1/8 Korean, 5/23 sugar and spice, with a splash of vanilla essence, and a swirl of Puerto Rican, laced with half a shot of Power Ranger." Well, that's all well and good my little sugar plum princess, but when I look at you I see black, black, black and black. Why are you making your nationality sound like a quadratic equation? Have a seat \_

6. "I DON'T CARE ABOUT VALENTINE'S DAY."

...-_- bitch, stop lyin'! Every year valentines day rolls around, and you're still on you jack jones, you turn into this bitter feminist and do everything in your power to convince everyone that you don't care, sending out your bullsh*t tweets about "I'm spending V. Day with my-damn-self because I love me!" "V. Day is just a consumerist holiday. You should show someone that you love them everyday, not just on V. Day, that's why I don't care because you lot are so fake! Fuck V. Day!" "Me and my girls we don't need no man to love us cause we love each other, that why we're going out together for Valentine's Day! Fuck Men!" I bet you if that boy you liked turned up at your door with a bouquet of roses, a bottle of wine and some d*ck, your tune would change quick tho init? 

*Watch all the uppity bitches sit there reading this like 'Scotty don't know what she's talking about, I really don't care about it, it's just another day man, like whatever init....and Tyrone better not turn up at my door with no roses after I know he's been there with that dutty b*tch Chantel kmt, he thinks I don't know. I'll dash them roses back in his face, take the wine and close the door! P*ssio"*

7. "IT'S FINE."

8 times out of 10 (these are real life statistics), whatever you have done to upset her, if she's saying this, it's probably not fine. What it comes down to is that she has decided that she can't be bothered to deal with you right now so she's going to leave it alone...for now. One day you're going to want her to do something, and that is when she will get her revenge. The 'It's fine' was just an indication to let you know she has begun plotting. Example; you said you'd take her out. She gets ready. For whatever reason you end up standing her up. You lot get into it over the phone and after a while she gives up and says 'It's fine', all the while she's thinking 'I SHAVED MY LEGS FOR YOU! YOU SHALL PAY FOR THIS!"

8. CHICKS BEFORE DICKS

This is an example of female on female based lying. Some girls will walk around spouting this mantra all day while they are single, but we all have that 1 dead friend who will drop her girls like a hot potato once a man has entered the equation (you're thinking of that shit friend right now aren't you? Don't she get on your damn nerves? Sometimes you just wish the b*tch would get a rock thrown at her or something aint it?). The p*sstake is with this girl, she'll forget you lot was there from before her new suitor waltzed in, and pick him over you lot almost every time so much that you just give up on her and let her go live happily ever after in her castle in Dickney Land, London. As soon as the dude is gone, guess who morphs into Miss Social Butterfly? That bitch will ring you up out of the blue saying ig'nant sh*t like, "Hello stranger, I love how you don't holler at me no more!"

PADIN?

9. "YOU LOOK FINE BABE :)"

Some b*tches be scandalous, and having one for a friend is not the way forward. When it comes to getting male attention, some girls are very competitive and will do what they can to make sure that in their circle of friends that they are the Beyonce of the group, to the point where they will allow their bredrins to walk street with them looking like a hot mess just to further enforce that they are the 'nice' one. Their friend could have ashy lips, severe regrowth showing through under her weave, food stains on her top, hooker make-up, clothes that don't match or fit good, with lean off shoes, then ask her B*TCH of a friend "Do I look okay?" and that evil she-devilwhore will tell her "Yes. Yes you do.", then go to a rave with her and laugh in her head for the whole night while her friend stands in the corner alone, while Jermaine buys her a drink. Don't let your bredrins walk around lookin' wheel up please. That is not what friendship is for.

10. "I CAN COOK."

Now we all know that men are not THAT hard to please. As long as you don't leave them hungry or horny, they seem to be more or less content (I am not saying this is all it takes to please a man, these are just the basics). Women realise that men like to hear that they can cook, so it will get mentioned somewhere along the line. NOW; if you tell a man you can cook, sooner or later you will have to prove it. Ladies, if you do not know how to cook, don't lie and say you can because it is more than likely you will underachieve with your dish and you won't get the D, you will get an F for Failure. You can't be braggin about "Yeah, I'm a sick cook!" then when time comes for you to show and prove your serving man with beans on toast! That's not cooking! That's microwave and toaster. Just because you used household gadgets to make something hot, it does not constitute as cooking! He should take his plate and throw it at you.

So there are my 10 random points. Myself and that Vexy b*tch made another video similar to this blog topic, titled 'Bait Bars', which looks at lies that both men and women tell, so if you want an extra giggle, give it a watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=las6-YXT9tQ

If you liked this post make sure you share it and check out some of my other ones. If there are any topics you'd like me to rage about, just holler at me yo!

All of my links for the dope shit I do and where you can find me are in the side bar. Follow me on Twitter: @ScottyUnfamous and check out the trailer for my upcoming series 'Unfamous' (@The_Unfamous) based on my hit eBooks 'The Unfamous' (currently over 136,000 reads). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNuY2rwVhK8

Until next time ;)

Sx

Wonder Woman; You Better Get Yo Superman!

Hey guys, hope you're all well :) -I'm just saying that to be nice, I don't really care. 

Now, before I unleash the fury, I just wanna thank you all for showing my blog so much love these past few days. You guys are all right *offers an awkward hug...then changes mind*

Okay, enough of the soppy sh*t, there's things we need to discuss b*tches! Tonight's topic is; WONDER WOMEN and how ya'll need to stop fuckin with these Judas penis boys, and go get you a SUPERMAN! It's 2013 b*tch, you betta get yo life!

Leggo!

A Wonder Woman is a woman who can be a successful wife(y) in all aspects, from taking care of home, her man and herself, and have a professional career at the same time....yes I'm talking about Beyonce :(. A Superman reflects that of a Wonder Woman...but without the boobs (this is not concurrent in all cases *giggles* moobs ^_^) and Dvajango (the D is silent).

Ladies, play Wonder Woman to Superman ONLY, not the Joker (...are you liking how I'm proper forcing my superhero theme here guys lol) because some of these menziz good intentions do not extend past  the bottom of your cookie jar (if you're lucky). 

You can be an amazing woman, but ladies, some men are so caught up in their own egos and bullshit that they won't regard you correctly no matter how hard you try, and sadly they can end up making you feel drained because all they are willing to do is take from you, and give little or nothing in return. That can leave you feeling powerless. Even though these men know you don't deserve to be treated like garlic bread, you just have to accept that:

(namely YOUR world) and move the f*ck on. Understand that people can only get away with what you allow them to. 

There a tons of Wonder Women out there subjecting themselves to bullshit from men they KNOW aint sh*t (but a hoe and a trick) and tryna make shit work because these men possess charm, wit and every heterosexual woman's Kryptonite...ladies you know what I'm on about:

Hooker, STOP! You deserve a man that does right by you, especially if you're the type of female who will do right by her man. Good d*ck is good (-_- sometimes too good), but you know it's not enough. You have to be patient. Ween yourself off the bomb dickitty -

-and find someone who is on your level (I'm gonna assume that you're not basic so I don't have to explain that) and before you give them the world, make sure they deserve it. 

A useful way to do this is by communication; tell your (potential) partner what you expect from them - closed mouth don't get fed -they are not Professor X, they cannot read your mind (I'm actually just making myself sound like a nerd with all these comic book references*shrug* PLISS, ADONCARE!). If once you have stated your expectations they make little to no effort to follow through, it's time to bring out the most powerful weapon a wonder woman has:

Either that, or opt for the 'Mirror effect' if you're still tryna fucks with the bam bam; treat them the way they treat you. Do not by any means (after you've made some sort of initial effort) go out of your way for them again until they fix the f*ck up. It really is better that you just leave, but I'm tryna be realistic here hence why I threw in the other option. Some of ya'll bitches cling to good d*ck like it's a winning lottery ticket!

When it comes to the way people conduct themselves in relationships, everyone tackles it in their own way (I'm just tryna offer up what I hope is helpful advice in case you need to hear it 'cause everything I speak on I've been through to some degree, and I know some of you are younger than me so if me having a lil uncouth rant can assist you in life...I'm starting to sound like I care too much, lemme finish what I was saying). Some people are all in from the word go, whilst others like to test the waters first. 

Me, I'm one of them test the water b*tches! I like to dip my toe in to see if I am happy with the temperature first before I make my next move. I've lived enough life and dealt with enough garden salad man  by now to know better! I don't have a legitimate amount of sanity left to be leaping in all at once to discover once I'm submerged, that the water is too damn cold and now my nipples have pneumonia, giving me hypertension in my chest cavity; so now I must climb back out! Have you tried climbing out of a pool? You can't do that sh*t gracefully! You have to hoist yourself out (and I aint exactly a skinny heffa, so it requires more effort!), then you do that awkward roll away from the edge like a retarded seal to make sure you don't slip and fall back in (the D will catch you if you don't run). That's what getting out of a Superman-less relationship is like -awkward and unnecessary, 'cause yo ass didn't need to be there in the first place!

Below is another awesome SDTV video I done with the hilarious @VexInTheCityUK called 'What Makes A Hubby'. I feel we cover the qualities to look for in a Superman (plus it's JOKE!) so I recommend you give it a watch ;) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRXV9c0G9L0

As usual, lemme know what you think, share it and all that good stuff. Any other topics you'd like me to speak on, or even if you just want some bullsh*t free advice, hit me up on my Formspring formspring.me/ScottyUnfamous. Follow me on Twitter @ScottyUnfamous, and if you wanna check out my stuff from SDTV to the Unfamous books (including the super sexy spin-off '50 Shades of Unfamous') and series, all my links are in the sidebar.

S x

How Can I Tell If He's Serious About Me?

Hey my lovelies, have you missed me ^_^? No? Well screw you then I didn't miss you guys either!

Oh you did? ^_^ Good stuff!

Right, nonsense over, let's get down to business. It appears you guys are taking to my new rage outlet quite well (and so you should cause it's kind of a lil bit awesome if I do say so myself) and I've had my first request via the fabulous @FeliciaDontCare (hey gurrrrrl). Felicia asked me to educate you guys on how to tell if a guy is really into you or not, so here goes nothing...

"Scotty my dearest, how do I tell if he's serious about me? What are the signs? Teach me oh wise and noble one!" -you guys really need to stop with all the flattery you're giving me a big head lol.

How can you tell, you ask?

SPOILER ALERT -YOU CAN'T! 

I could end the post right here, but I feel a valid explanation to my cynical response is needed so that I don't sound like a bitter old wench.

I honestly used to believe that there were certain signs that you could pick up to see if a guy really wanted to take things to the next level with a woman, until one dreadful day in 2011 when I had the pleasure of having @Brimesdot on my radio show (Swear Down Radio *bullet*!) and a very similar topic came up.

So I'm sitting there in my chair with confidence saying shit like 'He'll poop cherry flavoured gumdrops and sparkle like Edward Cullen when he sees you, and your tits will explode with hopes and dreams' -well obviously those weren't my exact words, I was just being a girl and romanticising shit as we are known to do -and then right out of nowhere Brimes decides that he is going to stop my dream selling to the masses, pops my little bubble of joy and says 'You cant tell.'

I asked him to explain, and do you know what he said to me? He said (in more detail) that basically, a man will do what he has to do to get the vajayjay. He and his friends then went on to giving examples of the stunts they had pulled (whilst laughing at the memories of course, 'cause heart break is funny (-_-) HAHA GUYS!) to get a girl to give it up. Now, with some of the examples given (e.g. a guy coming to your rescue at some stupid time in the morning cause you needed him), if a guy done some of them for me I woulda been all 'THIS MUH'F*CKA IS DOWN TO RIDE LIKE BONNIE AND CLYDE *busses a shot* WE FINNA BE THE NEW BEYONCE AND JAY Z *sings* all I need in this life of sin...', but apparently:

Now obviously, this 'anything to get in them drawers' mantra does not  ring true with EVERY MAN. Some are actually doing certain things for you, or behaving a certain way with you because they are genuinely interested in going the whole 9 yards, but it's really down to you to figure that out.  YOU have to take the chance on him.

I say follow your intuition; if it feels right, roll with it until it doesn't. If it feels wrong, save yourself from the possibility of drinking wine with your girls to bitch about how much of a bread back boy (no one really likes bread back, its the crappest part of the loaf. You deserve an inner slice ^_^!) he was, and K.I.M ladies *snaps fingers*, that stands for Keep It Moving! You need to trust your intuition, it's there for a reason. If you feel a f*cked up aura -back the hell up! You know that saying 'my spirit doesn't take to him/her', that's you intuition saying to you 'I would let you trust him, but you see, the way my senses are set up...Bitch, is you really tryna make us end up drunk and crying by the end of this. You betta get yo life and keep walkin'! Go find yo' inner slice!'

On regular relationship blogs, the blogger will tell you to look out for this, that and the other, but guess what, this aint no regular blog b*tch! This is Scotty's blog and Scotty isn't here to sell dreams. She is here to shoot them down and replace them with some real shit!

*Clears throat*
Ladies, I can't tell you what to look out for because honestly, I don't know myself. What I can tell you is that sometimes you just need to stop overthinking things (easier said than done, I know) and just enjoy the moments. If you are with a man and he is treating you well -by your standards ("We accept the love we think we deserve." -Perks of Being A Wallflower) -and he makes you happy, then that's all that matters. 

You can sit there and fuss over if he's really serious about you all you want, but at the end of the day, if you don't take the chance, you'll never know. If it works out then that's amazing, and if it doesn't, it was a lesson learned.

*Side note: I know I sound like  tree hugger, but I'm on this spiritual Zen sh*t these days so that I don't get rage induced high blood pressure and stab someone in the neck :D*

Back to the funk!

A tip: Observation is key. B*tches, sometimes you have to shut the f*ck up and listen to the menziz and watch how they act, then draw your own conclusions from that. You want to know what he's about? pay attention!

Although I can't tell you HOW to tell if he's for real, I can sure as hell give you a few examples of what to look out for just in case he isn't via the last Swear Down TV video I did titled 'You've Just Been Mind F*cked!' Watch it! It will help, you will laugh (then subscribe if you haven't already) and you may even notice that a few of the tricks that I mention, yo ass has already fallen for :) http://youtu.be/z8FCszardLs

As usual, lemme know what you think, share it and all that good stuff. Any other topics you'd like me to speak on, or even if you just want some bullsh*t free advice, hit me up on my Formspring formspring.me/ScottyUnfamous. Follow me on Twitter @ScottyUnfamous, and if you wanna check out my stuff from SDTV to the Unfamous books (including the super sexy spin-off '50 Shades of Unfamous') and series, all my links are in the sidebar.

S x