D*ck makes b*tches dumb! If you know how to slam dunk the funk, you have the power to turn even the Beyonce's of society into a Michelle Williams with just one powerful HD vaginal contraction.
Now obviously, it was the men who had more to say on this topic than anyone else, as some of the women are trying to force class because we realise that we're getting old and it doesn't really look good. F*ck a pretence! You better believe I had a whole heap of sh*t to say, but for business purposes that day I thought 'Let me hold my mouth now...I'mma blog about this sh*t later tho!'
By now you lot know that I keep it funky fresh; aint nobody got time to be pretending to be one of these uppity b*tches, so I'mma say what I'mma say and you will either agree out loud (or internally because you don't want others to know that you can relate to my candidness) or some of you may disagree, in which case, feel free to voice your opinion in the comment section below.
In this day and age, women are more sexually liberal than ever before; they are making it no secret as to how much they like to be pleased or how often...though I do wish that they would stop broadcasting it over Twitter as if the tl is the vagina monologues -_- (this includes you 'I need a cuddle' b*tches. We know cuddle is false lady code for d*ck; ya'll aint foolin nobody!). With this open attitude towards sex, the casual sex lifestyle is thriving; b*tches be hollerin 'Single and ready to mingle' like it's a mantra.
The life of a single woman isn't that complex if you're one of those female who isn't looking for an emotional connection (which, let's be honest, is NONE of you, no matter how much you try to force it, adoncare!), and d*ck isn't hard to find (so long as that's all you want); HOOOOOOWEVER, good d*ck is.
No matter how much some of you try to deny it, it is common knowledge that women generally have a higher sex drive than men, hence the need for inventions like the Rampant Rabbit -these sex toy companies know that womb pressure is real!
When entertaining a new sexual partner for the first time, all a b*tch can do is hope for the best, but when they actually receive the best, it can throw them off and that is where trouble can begin.
Every now and then a man will come along that is so good in bed that he can discombobulate the equilibrium of your fantalooga, causing a chemical imbalance in the brain called simple b*tchery!
Simple b*tchery: verb (definition) - a lowered state of mind that will have you carrying out action of one of those substandard/common heffas.
Simple b*tchery can affect any woman in the occurrence of love/infatuation, good d*ck or some bomb ass head (press 7 for fellatio!). This is the part of the blog where those of us that like to sell ourselves delusions of grandeur because we think we're too prestige, try to pretend that we have never had a simple b*tch moment over a man. I can guarantee that those closest to you, your social networking statuses, your private messages, call history and that aint sh*t dude you left behind once you came to your senses, may beg to differ!
Attack of the 5 star penis will have you believing that this dude is the one for you! He has no job or prospects for the foreseeable future, but my gosh can he put it down! You're there skipping to work the next day singing songs of contentment and wonderment with the birds like your name is Snow White, being super nice to everyone, all because this dude gave you a penetrative orgasm! Studies show that a staggering 80% of women cannot climax from penetrative sex, so when this Willy Wonka dude gives you the chocolate bar and you discover that your 80% ass has just received the Golden Ticket to the 20% bracket, you don't ever want to leave the chocolate factory, ya dig! B*tches be addickted and will start letting this guy get away with some unorthodox sh*t, to secure the penis.
From what started out as a link, you are now trying to force the sh*t to evolve like a Pokemon! It's penis, not Pikachu b*tch! This is not the relationship you are looking for!
Why are you cooking for him, cleaning his house, lending him money, letting him drive your car and you know he aint got no licence? Dude be slowly tryna move in to your house 'cause he prefers the freedom over living at his mum's place more than actually chilling with you, but because he's bringing d*ck along, your ass don't care! Buying him gifts, letting him ring you up at 4am to come over and your ass answers the phone all peppy like you was awake this whole time, doing his laundry, pretending that you don't know you aint his only one, brushing off the countless times he's stood you up, listening to this dude LIE to you over and over because you've convinced yourself what he's chatting sh*t about is not a big deal because your M.O is to spoon at night.
The day you decided to get fed up and realise that maybe, just maybe you need to get yo life and leave the bastard, is the day he decides to initiate p*ssy whisperer level 10, and you're ass is right back there, shivering and shaking in the the bed. A minute ago you were Miss High and Mighty all gassed up on the Beyonce you listened to on the way over (*sings* You must not know 'bout me, you must not know bout meeee), but the simple b*tchery kicked in and now he's all cocky (in more ways than one) 'cause he knows he's got you. Dude be asking you 'Do you like it?' the most hated question known to man, and your ass actually answers! Aint that a simple b*tch!
I have seen women turn into real life psychopaths to secure the D. They be puttin holes in condoms, 'forgetting' to take the pill, turning into Sherlock Holmes so they know every who, what, when, where, and why of this dudes life, 'coincidentally' turning up at places that he's at -"Oh Duane, funny bumping into you here!" -_- no b*tch, what's funny is your LIES! -hitting him up on every possible avenue of communication just to say 'I miss you' like that sh*t aint scary.
One of the best tweets I saw on this topic was the one that spoke about these dudes that come from overseas and d*ck down a b*tch so well that she marries him, then dude gets his passport and ghosts. Whenever this happens I can conjure no sympathy for these women; you've been seeing Winston for 6 months and coz he gave you the Passa Passa penis you decide that it's legit to say yes to his marriage proposal and pretend you didn't know what was gonna happen? Get the f*ck out of here, this world has no room for your tears!
As amusing as this was to write about, on a real, no d*ck is worth your dignity. Find someone who actually wants to be with you and won't take for granted all things that you have to offer; don't be a simple b*tch.
One question I saw on the tl did intrigue me though, and I genuinely wanna hear your opinions on it; which is stronger, the power of the D or the power of the P?
On a final note, make sure you guys check out episode 3 of The www Show -the ONLY show about web series, hosted by Mango & Lashes. This week's episode features Awkward Black Girl, Dear Jesus, Brett in the City, Almost Home, an exclusive interview with Black & Sexy TV Founders, Numa Perrier and Dennis Dortch, info for the auditions of Venus Vs Mars season 2, plus a glimpse of the official trailer for FASTLiFE: http://t.co/8QFftwpcug
Follow me on Twitter: @ScottyUnfamous
Till next time
Sx
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