D For Dumb: The Power of Good D

There was a topic on Twitter the other day that had me crying real life tears because I was laughing so damn hard; on my timeline they were discussing the power of laying some top flight pipe and all of the perks that a man can attain with it. Obviously there were some outlandish statements thrown in there for banter purposes, but all in all, what they were saying was the truth!

D*ck makes b*tches dumb! If you know how to slam dunk the funk, you have the power to turn even the Beyonce's of society into a Michelle Williams with just one powerful HD vaginal contraction.

Now obviously, it was the men who had more to say on this topic than anyone else, as some of the women are trying to force class because we realise that we're getting old and it doesn't really look good. F*ck a pretence! You better believe I had a whole heap of sh*t to say, but for business purposes that day I thought 'Let me hold my mouth now...I'mma blog about this sh*t later tho!'

By now you lot know that I keep it funky fresh; aint nobody got time to be pretending to be one of these uppity b*tches, so I'mma say what I'mma say and you will either agree out loud (or internally because you don't want others to know that you can relate to my candidness) or some of you may disagree, in which case, feel free to voice your opinion in the comment section below.

In this day and age, women are more sexually liberal than ever before; they are making it no secret as to how much they like to be pleased or how often...though I do wish that they would stop broadcasting it over Twitter as if the tl is the vagina monologues -_- (this includes you 'I need a cuddle' b*tches. We know cuddle is false lady code for d*ck; ya'll aint foolin nobody!). With this open attitude towards sex, the casual sex lifestyle is thriving; b*tches be hollerin 'Single and ready to mingle' like it's a mantra.

The life of a single woman isn't that complex if you're one of those female who isn't looking for an emotional connection (which, let's be honest, is NONE of you, no matter how much you try to force it, adoncare!), and d*ck isn't hard to find (so long as that's all you want); HOOOOOOWEVER, good d*ck is.

No matter how much some of you try to deny it, it is common knowledge that women generally have a higher sex drive than men, hence the need for inventions like the Rampant Rabbit -these sex toy companies know that womb pressure is real!

When entertaining a new sexual partner for the first time, all a b*tch can do is hope for the best, but when they actually receive the best, it can throw them off and that is where trouble can begin.

Every now and then a man will come along that is so good in bed that he can discombobulate the equilibrium of your fantalooga, causing a chemical imbalance in the brain called simple b*tchery! 

Simple b*tchery: verb (definition) - a lowered state of mind that will have you carrying out action of one of those substandard/common heffas.

Simple b*tchery can affect any woman in the occurrence of love/infatuation, good d*ck or some bomb ass head (press 7 for fellatio!). This is the part of the blog where those of us that like to sell ourselves delusions of grandeur because we think we're too prestige, try to pretend that we have never had a simple b*tch moment over a man. I can guarantee that those closest to you, your social networking statuses, your private messages, call history and that aint sh*t dude you left behind once you came to your senses, may beg to differ!

Attack of the 5 star penis will have you believing that this dude is the one for you! He has no job or prospects for the foreseeable future, but my gosh can he put it down! You're there skipping to work the next day singing songs of contentment and wonderment with the birds like your name is Snow White, being super nice to everyone, all because this dude gave you a penetrative orgasm! Studies show that a staggering 80% of women cannot climax from penetrative sex, so when this Willy Wonka dude gives you the chocolate bar and you discover that your 80% ass has just received the Golden Ticket to the 20% bracket, you don't ever want to leave the chocolate factory, ya dig! B*tches be addickted and will start letting this guy get away with some unorthodox sh*t, to secure the penis.

From what started out as a link, you are now trying to force the sh*t to evolve like a Pokemon! It's penis, not Pikachu b*tch! This is not the relationship you are looking for!

Why are you cooking for him, cleaning his house, lending him money, letting him drive your car and you know he aint got no licence? Dude be slowly tryna move in to your house 'cause he prefers the freedom over living at his mum's place more than actually chilling with you, but because he's bringing d*ck along, your ass don't care! Buying him gifts, letting him ring you up at 4am to come over and your ass answers the phone all peppy like you was awake this whole time, doing his laundry, pretending that you don't know you aint his only one, brushing off the countless times he's stood you up, listening to this dude LIE to you over and over because you've convinced yourself what he's chatting sh*t about is not a big deal because your M.O is to spoon at night.

The day you decided to get fed up and realise that maybe, just maybe you need to get yo life and leave the bastard, is the day he decides to initiate p*ssy whisperer level 10, and you're ass is right back there, shivering and shaking in the the bed. A minute ago you were Miss High and Mighty all gassed up on the Beyonce you listened to on the way over (*sings* You must not know 'bout me, you must not know bout meeee), but the simple b*tchery kicked in and now he's all cocky (in more ways than one) 'cause he knows he's got you. Dude be asking you 'Do you like it?' the most hated question known to man, and your ass actually answers! Aint that a simple b*tch!

I have seen women turn into real life psychopaths to secure the D. They be puttin holes in condoms, 'forgetting' to take the pill, turning into Sherlock Holmes so they know every who, what, when, where, and why of this dudes life, 'coincidentally' turning up at places that he's at -"Oh Duane, funny bumping into you here!" -_- no b*tch, what's funny is your LIES! -hitting him up on every possible avenue of communication just to say 'I miss you' like that sh*t aint scary.

One of the best tweets I saw on this topic was the one that spoke about these dudes that come from overseas and d*ck down a b*tch so well that she marries him, then dude gets his passport and ghosts. Whenever this happens I can conjure no sympathy for these women; you've been seeing Winston for 6 months and coz he gave you the Passa Passa penis you decide that it's legit to say yes to his marriage proposal and pretend you didn't know what was gonna happen? Get the f*ck out of here, this world has no room for your tears!

As amusing as this was to write about, on a real, no d*ck is worth your dignity. Find someone who actually wants to be with you and won't take for granted all things that you have to offer; don't be a simple b*tch.

One question I saw on the tl did intrigue me though, and I genuinely wanna hear your opinions on it; which is stronger, the power of the D or the power of the P?

On a final note, make sure you guys check out episode 3 of The www Show -the ONLY show about web series, hosted by Mango & Lashes. This week's episode features Awkward Black Girl, Dear Jesus, Brett in the City, Almost Home, an exclusive interview with Black & Sexy TV Founders, Numa Perrier and Dennis Dortch, info for the auditions of Venus Vs Mars season 2, plus a glimpse of the official trailer for FASTLiFE: http://t.co/8QFftwpcug

Follow me on Twitter: @ScottyUnfamous

Till next time

Sx

Learn To Love YOU

 

Hey dudes,
I hope you're all cool, and Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there ^_^.

This post was inspired by last night's events....

After the Unfamous shoot last night (@ Cafe Mode -shout out to @DearRobTV for letting us use the beautiful venue) we all went out to a house party in Hackney. Myself and the Unfamous director, @SelinaOsei, got into an interesting conversation with one of the female guests (it was 5am and we were starting to sober up lol). We started talking about weight loss...as you do at a house party.
The girl, who had a totally friggin bodacious figure by the way, was saying she wanted to lose more weight and so she joined the gym and was eating less. She then went on to say how even though she had lost weight, that she was losing it in places she didn't want to (which I can empathise with as since I've been on my new get fit regime -62 days in...yes I count the days -there is now space in my bra *cries*), i.e. her ass and hips.

So I'm looking at this girl, and as a big b*tch, I'm now experiencing skinny b*tch confusion, 'cause I'm thinking 'The f*ck is she complaining about? She looks sexy blud!' In less flamboyant terms I told her that she looked good, but she was adamant that it wasn't good enough and said something along the lines of 'In clothes it's fine, but when you're naked it's a different story.' So I study her figure again and at this point I'm like, 'B*tch, from where I'm sitting, you look as if you'll be fine naked too'.

I ended up telling the girl the same thing I'm about to tell you lot; no matter how much you lose, even if you hit your target or you go beyond it, unless you love yourself it won't matter because you will always find something else wrong that will make you unhappy about your appearance.

Ladies, I cannot stress how important I think self love is. I meet a lot of females of all shapes and sizes who I think are stunning, but due to lack of self love they have a ton of insecurities. Ya'll need to learn to let that shit GO! It is one of those things that are easier said than done, but the fact of the matter is, it can be done. 

The first step is acceptance; stop being so hard on yourself for the way you look. It's your body and unless you are rich enough to purchase a new one, you will be stuck with it until the day you die, so there's no point in spending the rest of your life resenting it; that's not cool. This is you, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

If you are unhappy with the way you look, do something about it, but accept that some things that you deem as physical flaws are out of your control and work on what you can. Focus on what you do like about yourself, as opposed to what you don't. There's nothing wrong with achieving the figure you desire, but don't get bogged down with the way you look just because you aren't there yet; if you're determined,you'll get there. 

As of late, the body trends seem to be bigger asses, tiny waists, perkier tits, thigh gaps, collar and hip bones that poke out. This is what the media is celebrating, so it what males are lusting after, which means a lot of you lot want it. The reality of it is, everyone has different body types. It may not be in your DNA to have those things, but so what? There are many different types of beauty and what you all need to do is find your type and own it *snaps fingers like a sassy gay man* GURRRRRL, YOU BETTER WERK!

People want to look and feel beautiful, so that they can feel wanted, but if you don't even want yourself, why would anyone else?

You may hear this saying and think it's cliché  but it holds a lot of truth in it; there is nothing sexier than confidence. When you learn to love yourself, your confidence will start to shine naturally. When you feel confident it radiates through your aura and others can sense it. Confidence instantly makes you more attractive because it is a positive emotion. For instance, have you ever found yourself attracted to someone who is not your usual cup of tea, and your friends are chatting sh*t like 'Why do you like him?' (like you asked for their opinion. -_- B*tch, I'm glad you don't like him, that means I don't have to watch you!). You can't really explain it properly, but you smile, shrug and say 'I dunno. There's just something about him.' #MOIST!
Sometimes you will see couples where one is hot and the other...meh, not so much, and you wonder how they even got together; the less tasty one probably had a sh*tload of confidence!

A good way to kick start self love is to adorn yourself the way you would if you looked the way you wanted to. Treat yourself as if you are already your idea of 'beautiful' -within reason though. Keep it tasteful ;). Go shopping and get an outfit that you know you'll look sick in, learn how to do make-up (YouTube has tutorial coming out the wazoo), get a mani/pedi, get yo hurr did....just pamper yourself ladies; your psyche will respond to it. I promise you it will make a world of difference. Treat yourself like you love yourself and don't be ashamed of it. It is your right to feel good about who and what you are, no matter what other may think about you.

Girls worry about their appearance so much because they want to be desirable to men. Unlike men, we don't typically have the luxury of being desirable for being rich and powerful (as men are 'supposed' to be the breadwinners), hence we work on our physical appearance more. We strive to look like Beyonce/Rihanna/Kim K -because these are women that  men often say they find attractive -forgetting that we aren't celebrities and may never achieve that polished Hollywood look. Men understand this too. No matter what they may say out of masculine bravado for banter on social networks or when amongst their peers, if you actually sit and talk with a man on a level, you generally find that they don't expect perfection because they understand that this is real life!

Stop comparing yourself to others. Just be happy being all that you are.

I have a @SwearDownTV vid that elaborates on this topic called 'Fatty Boom Boom 101' -it's aimed at fat b*tches but the general idea is self love. Give it a watch if you like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfcmUSlZ_6o

Follow me on Twitter @ScottyUnfamous

Until next time
Sx

P.S. Check out the latest behind the scene pics from @The_Unfamous series at http://weareunfamous.tumblr.com/

Would You Let Your Partner Go To Napa?

Whaddup yo! How are you guys? Good? Me too! There's the occasional bout of rage in the chest, but it's nothing Mary Jane and some music can't fix ;) -can I just say that James Blake -Retrograde has been giving me multiple eargasms, plus aftershock all day. Such a tune!).

I'd just like to take this time to boast that I've been doing my diet for 55 days now (You go Scotty Coco!). Now everyday I wake up feeling like Beyonce...and looking like Jennifer Hudson (pre-weight loss) :)

So I had meant to write this blog last month, but I chose to do my Baby Mama Drama one instead (YES the Baby Father one will still be posted once I select some appropriately inappropriate jokes to chuck in there that you can't get mad at because they're just that funny, and you all love me so much :D ).

This blog post relates to a debate that was going on, on my Twitter tl (follow me @ScottyUnfamous) last month; they were discussing if they would allow their partners to go on a clubbin holiday like Napa/Malia/Ibizia etc. The majority voted :

The reasons given were generally because holidays like Napa are notorious for men and women alike turning on their 'fuck it' switches, morphing into their YOLO alter-egos (often seen on social networks), and free falling into WHOREDOM!

Most carry the gassed mentality that 'What happens in Napa, stays in Napa'. They actually believe that their partners back home won't find out, as they're cheating in a whole other country...

I have been to Napa and if you truly believe that you can go over there and carry on all willy nilly like you will never see these people again, you my friend, are sadly mistaken! Napa is London in the sun...with a few Northerners dashed in for good measure. I went there and saw people from my old college, my ex, my friends ex, friends from uni, mutual friends of other friends and all sorts. Napa aint some safe haven for you to be moving raggo! You will see everyone you know, and get familiar with some that you don't.

Napa is a very closed environment; aint sh*t to do during the day but hang out by a hotel pool (I said A as you will get bored of your own hotel's pool and probably pop next door to someone else's), go to NISSI BEACH (EVERYONE goes to Nissi Beach), go shopping (which is dead cause there aint really sh*t to buy but wotless tourist trinkets), or just drive around with your quad bike/doom-buggy like you're special, even though every other mofo with a provisional licence is doing the same thing -people go to Napa and stunt like they are living the life. Try pick a b*tch up on a quad bike in London and see how far that gets you -_-.

Night falls and EVERYONE goes to the strip. All of the clubs and bars are located in one area, so now there is literally no way for you not to meet people as you will probably see them every night until they leave! As you walk down the strip you get to where it splits into 2 different roads; one is where the white people go, the other is where the black/urban inclined people go. You go down the black road (obviously, after all you're not reading my blog cause you're some posho) and you criss cross between Bazaar and Napa Dreams until the night clubs open.

That is Napa, EVERY DAY, in a nutshell! I recommend staying for no more than a week. I stayed for 2 weeks and now I hate raving.

When you meet people, most of them will be from London, so please explain to me how some of you will go there and beat someone from the same town as you, then come leave all carefree like 'Hey, it was nice knowing you! Adios amigo!' then a month later you f*ck around and go to a rave and SURPRISE, there they are!

Now I'm not saying you can't get away with cheating on your partner in Napa (this is not encouragement by the way, simple b*tch), you probably can, but I'm just letting you know that it isn't some magic Narnia land where you can move all haukuna matata-ish, especially with they way some of you are all over Twitter/Tumblr/Instagram/Facebook etc. N*ggas walking around all arrogant and sh*t with their Twitter @ printed on their t-shirt and expect to move anonymous, these times we all know your girlfriend is that bait Instagram fiend with the 'rebellious' name like @iFxckBadBxtches (that's an @ I made up just in case some of you are stupid enough to actually look for it...don't give me that look, you know b*tches be simple in 2013!)

Now, while the people with trust issues were all prattling on about how their partner couldn't go to Napa because they might cheat, myself and the rest of the people with common sense pointed out that if their partner wanted to cheat on them so much, they wouldn't have to buy a plane ticket to do so.

I said I would let my partner go to Napa -yes I know, everyone thinks I'm naive, but this is the way I see it; there's no point in being in a relationship with someone you don't trust; period. If you can't trust your partner enough to let them go on holiday for a few days without you and NOT cheat on you, well, you need to reconsider your relationship mate.

I noticed that it was more the males that didn't want their partners to go to places like Napa, to which they used excuses such as 'Girls move like man dem these days' and 'People only go to Napa for one reason', and it made me think; maybe the problem is not your partner, maybe the problem is you! Maybe the reason your partner going on a clubbing holiday is a problem for you because you know that if the shoe was on the other foot, cheating is something you'd be likely to do.

Some of you are projecting your own faults onto your partner, assuming that given the opportunity, they would behave like you in that situation. Other reasons for this mentality could be that you are basing your fears off of past experiences, or things you have seen the people close to you go through -think about it. In your opinion, you may believe that I'm chatting sh*t, but its my blog so:

I would totally let my partner go away, for 2 reasons:
1. If I'm with them I must trust them to some extent so I don't expect them to cheat on me. If they do and I find out, well...-_-

2. If I want to go away, he aint telling me I can't. Is my name Matilda? You know when I'd have to draw for that common 'strong, independent, black woman' response:

Treat people the way you want to be treated. I extend the same courtesies I expect my partner to extend to me. I'm not your mother, I'm not here to be policing where you can and cannot go...within reason.

I feel like after all of those ignorant captioned pictures that I should wrap this up by saying something that makes me sound wise...

People need to understand that relationships are not about controlling each other, they are about accepting both similarities and differences, honesty, loyalty, respect and compromise.

Did that suffice? No? Oh it's too cliché, you say? 

Anyway, I wanna know what you lot would do if your partner wanted to go on a clubbing holiday, would you let them or not, and why? Get at me in the comment section or via Twitter (@ScottyUnfamous).

Till next time,

 Sx